I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
