my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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