Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize