my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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