I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just found puke in my bra..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize