Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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