I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
accomplished twins. life is a go
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
