what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
