I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
