hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
