Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
