i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
