He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
