I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Then you guys just all showered together...?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize