So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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