fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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