Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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