I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
