Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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