The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize