where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
