She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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