We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
