Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
