Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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