I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
it was like eating out sand paper
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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