the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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