my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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