I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
