I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
These tits shall not be calmed
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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