It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
