I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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