And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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