I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
