I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
