i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
