Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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