who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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