I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
