Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
