If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
