apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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