if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
