i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
