you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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