The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
