worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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