I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
