census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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