In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
