I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
where does the pee come out of this thing
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
