All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im six kinds of drunk right now
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
