saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
