Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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