He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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