I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
