Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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