do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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