There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
