Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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