i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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