Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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