Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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