ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
