Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
