I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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