I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
