No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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