I can't watch pbs sober anymore
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
