Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
