Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
