I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She needs sedatives and a leash
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
