he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
