We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize