Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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