I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
