If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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