I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
