and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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